mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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