dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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