he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
