Kiss
Puke
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
