ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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