At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
