Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
