Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Two words: blizzard sex
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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