too bad you live with your parents still
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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