And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
birth control should be required to get into college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
