hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
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you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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