did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
