She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
