Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
