We're facebook friends in real life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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