paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
