Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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