if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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