Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.

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(919): I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer. http://tfl.nu/250u

Replies (24) Good night (2941) Bad night (795)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink

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(609): apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink http://tfl.nu/9o16

Replies (37) Good night (1184) Bad night (2577)
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(714): View more from California

Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.

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(714): Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor. http://tfl.nu/w05t

Replies (10) Good night (760) Bad night (5028)
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(613): View more from Ontario

ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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(613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19

Replies (33) Good night (6061) Bad night (1386)
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(650): View more from California

OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.

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(650): OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS. http://tfl.nu/26xz

Replies (37) Good night (10010) Bad night (2365)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"

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(215): Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober" http://tfl.nu/vzc2

Replies (6) Good night (4191) Bad night (933)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.

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(508): There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day. http://tfl.nu/fth0

Replies (12) Good night (3368) Bad night (1125)
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(909): View more from California

I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick

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(909): I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick http://tfl.nu/j8ox

Replies (4) Good night (1361) Bad night (924)
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(417): View more from Missouri

In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.

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(417): In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D. http://tfl.nu/wwrb

Replies (9) Good night (2904) Bad night (1025)
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(408): View more from California

The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.

(408): View more from California

You've ruined television for me.

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(408): The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it. (408): You've ruined television for me. http://tfl.nu/32ek

Replies (4) Good night (2685) Bad night (1015)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Oh that's normal

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(401): No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus. (1-401): Oh that's normal http://tfl.nu/3sqc

Replies (6) Good night (2140) Bad night (676)
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(314): View more from Missouri

also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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(314): also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!! http://tfl.nu/6chb

Replies (17) Good night (1374) Bad night (690)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar

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(651): I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar http://tfl.nu/y23q

Replies (4) Good night (796) Bad night (442)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.

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(250): During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high. http://tfl.nu/970w

Replies (6) Good night (952) Bad night (476)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?

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(613): Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me? http://tfl.nu/ozdm

Replies (6) Good night (474) Bad night (849)

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