just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
