Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
only i would get off to receiving death threats online