i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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