Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
