I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
