At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
