JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize