I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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