i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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