Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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