ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
