I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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