i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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