it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
