Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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