New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize