My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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