then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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