Umm I'm too high to move.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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