i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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