winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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