i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize