I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
