Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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