Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
