I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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