the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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