You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
