i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
