she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize