Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize