She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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