He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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