my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your cock deserves a montage
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
