a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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