idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
