I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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