I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
