Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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