Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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