is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Non-Jews are for practice
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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