Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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