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I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
