Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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