Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
